You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
