if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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