I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
