Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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