Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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