drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
