Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
