So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
