The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
A+ Viking dick
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
