i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
