Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
