just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
