and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
