I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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