Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
