My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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