Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
