I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
