found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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