I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
