omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
