dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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