1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My ass is underappreciated
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
