Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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