Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
