just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
