im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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