k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
