I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
