I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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