rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
