i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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