Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
