So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
