so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
