I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
