i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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