Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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