God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
