I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
