I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
