Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
