I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
