When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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