her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
