i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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