his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
