You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
