That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
