My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
