the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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