Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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